make ’em laugh

With The Persuasionists going down terribly (“..this isn’t so much Mad Men as Pathetic Men” and Big Top not worth mentioning it all, I thought some fresh new ideas for BBC sitcoms would go down a treat.

So here are some ideas for the head of BBC Comedy to consider. I’ll be watching. Unlike anyone with any sense to The Persuasionists, KA-BOOM.

[1] The Lady’s Not For Turning
Amanda Holden and Stephanie Cole appear in a rip-roaring/cosy Sunday crossover feast of laughter set in a sleepy parish council with a hilariously euphemistic name. Amusing titters aplenty over the large vegetable tables and tittering gay vicar, played by one of the less funny ones from Skins. Or the IT Crowd. Viewers who press the red button can access footage of Amanda Holden struggling to read any one of Alan Bennet’s Talking Heads.

[2] Stars and Hype
Amanda Holden and whichever Heroes actor is available this week star in this hard hitting, side-splitting, cross-Atlantic comedy based in the heady world of PR. Mmm, just feel the cutting edge, it is SHARP. She’s a ditzy PR girl with sass, he’s probably black, it’ll certainly mix up the expectations. Viewers pressing the red button will be able to see Amanda Holden trying to fill her bra with crushed Maryland cookies.

[3] The Temp Agency
Former The Bill, and Primeval stars…erm….you know them by now, household names…join Amanda Holden in this new, fresh look at British women in the 21st century. They shop, they have one-night-stands, they’re so NOW, and WITH-IT. Includes hilarious parodies by not-unfunny-at-all punchline flogger Mitch Benn. Viewers pressing the red button can access footage of Amanda Holden inventing new swear words as she tries to give a fair evaluation of Lisa Tarbuck’s career.

[4] Please Put Items Into Bagging Area
Former Dinnerladies star….er….and Amanda Holden struggle against the daily grind of the automated shopping centre in this groundbreaking true to life instant comedy classic. All the observational comedy gems it takes a production team of at least 20 to get just right for months, packed into just one episode. Viewers who press the red button can watch Amanda Holden reading the back of cornflakes packets for a meals on wheels information cassette.

[5] Make ’em laugh
Amanda Holden and Jonny Vegas feature as washed up comedy turns in a comedy so full of self referential jokes, the final ten minutes is slow motion footage of Mark Lawson masturbating into a cup. Viewers who press the red button will access footage of them pressing the red button…