Goosnargh, night. Just after coming home from the beach (sand bank, waves crashing, saving an animal from drowning), “our lot” in a holiday camp type home, listening to music. I spray cola over a far-wall, and can see in intense close-up tiny fragments of paint coming off as I clean…These aren’t just dreams, these are illness dreams….

Actually, my illness turns out to be benign. My throat has the sensation of tasting as I would imagine tree-bark covered in brown sugar would taste, and I sniffle and snort a bit, but whatever knocked me down yesterday has essentially lifted. There was a short while of feeling the same chill down my chest as is often seen in chewing gum adverts, although this was temporary also.

However, whatever it was (okay, so maybe a BIT of manflu, I concede), has lifted without the use of medicine, so I can now say without fear of contradiction that minor colds can be cured by drinking water, Ribena, Yazoo Milkshakes, and cups of tea, whilst the only food you need is Builder’s Breakfast crisps. NHSDirect will no doubt send you down the Tamiflu route but that’s all a vested interest con. Trust me, I’m proof; milkshake and crisps, it’s the future…