"alone" is not "lonely"

Ugh, I hate having a temper. Within work, it’s getting more of a rock around the head. If my father has given me nothing else, it’s a temper. And to show any signs of weakness at work is to be black-marked for a long time. My mate – quite rightly, it hurt when he said it – suggested there was an element of self-obsession about it: he may not be wide of the mark, but it knocked me when he said it. I am not that kind of person…not at all, and so to havemy feelings evaluated this way was harsh..But friends do this, which is why I care for them so much….

There is a “subject x” on the mind. It is love, but also lust, or maybe moreso. We talk about feelings, honesty, and confusion. I didn’t expect to be in anyone’s grasp…It’s true what I was told; “When you stop looking, you’ll find.” And so I am now taking baby steps along a relationship route…And I am not going to say it is without some concerns. It does not add up entirely with some interesting coincidences. Honesty is at the core. No, I don’t want to show you offbut why can’t I tell my friends who you are…? Ah, but that is the danger. No-one really needs to know. So I should just give in. Let it happen. And I cannot stay alone, feeling lost, scared even. This is a chance, an opportunity. But doubts remain…

There are little shimmering lights. There are good, and bad, shadows of chance. My worries are sound but my fears groundless. There is a lot of this about…What to do now, and where to go…?

Advertisements